i switched my blog to this site: http://paigewilke.tumblr.com/

the disciples kept silent

There is this moment in the Bible where the disciples go to Capernaum with Jesus, and on the way they discuss who is the greatest. Knowing about their conversation, Jesus asked them “what were you discussing on the way?” In response, the disciples kept silent.

Probably because they realized how ludicrous that conversation was, and that it served no purpose in advancing the kingdom. This passage (mark 9:33-34) put the disciples on a human level for me, reminding me that I am just as accountable to the Gospel and to Christ as they are.

Can you imagine if after you sinned, Jesus, who is all knowing, asked you what you had just done? That leaves the type of dryness in my mouth that required a big, nervous gulp to relieve.

The question that was asked of me was “Why did Jesus wait to ask the disciples what they were talking about rather than interrupting them while they were arguing?”

This question is apart of a Bible study I’m doing, and I’ve been wrestling with the answer to this question for the last two days. Here is what I think might be the answer:

As humans, our quickest natural reaction to sin is to cover it up. In the garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve sin, they grab fig leaves to cover up, displaying their loss of innocence and realization of guilt. It is ridiculous to think the fig leaves could hide them from God. It is apart of our DNA to cover up sin. But that is not what God wants. He wants honesty. When we cover up, we lie. The longer we lie, the harder it is to come clean.

But the Bible study offered hope after this through Luke 12:2, “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.” God will be our help to uproot our sin. Our deep-heart lies that we have been trying to hide for years, because after repentance comes freedom. The freedom from sin that only Christ can give.

#1

sometimes i read blogs, and i get all judgmental because people are confessing their deepest darkest secrets on the world wide web, and it seems all full of drama and stuff. but they can do whatever they want, its their blog. being judgmental is bad for my soul.

if you know me at all, you know i love music. like its a huge part of my life. my life probably looks something like this: 1.God 2.Family 3. Friends/people 4. music… music might be tied with other things (like crafts and disneyland) but for now i’ll keep it as the only number 4. well, this past semester two things on that list have been extremely altered. #1 (God) has challenged me to keep #1 at the #1 spot every day. not just as the over arching theme for my life, but a daily, moment by moment pursuit of keeping my #1 at #1. with that, i have read scripture more consistantly than i ever have before, figured out that prayer works (it does), and fallen more deeply in love with #1. (Mind you, no glory to myself, all of this is a testament to God’s faithful grace).

so as i attempted to keep #1, well, #1, i neglected #4 (music). not that i didn’t listen to tons of music or buy new cds or anything like that, but i stopped looking for new music every day. i looked at pitchfork maybe 7 times all semester (which is a switch because it used to be my homepage). and i dont think i read more than 4 full articles during those 7 visits to the website. now, i say all that not because i think #4 lost its place in my list of loves/priorities, but because I feel like i am afraid of listening to new music. not like afraid of snakes type of fear, but i am afraid that i cannot stay walking close to Jesus and keep up with new music. i think its possible, but i am afraid that i will not be able to do it. instead of listening to the music i thought i loved, i found myself listening to GaGa and Beiber. now that im home, i have tried to listen to SiriusXMU (one of my sources for good, new music) and i find myself changing the channel whenever a song i dont know comes on.

i guess i write this because i wanted to get it off my chest, like confess it or sumthin. but i do sort of feel like this is a blog post i would maybe judge if i didn’t write it myself… but i’m practicing being honest. and honestly, i’m currently afraid to listen to new music. and i think i miss listening to new music, but maybe i dont. i don’t even know. im just confused.

pups.

These are my pups:

  

This is Smitty.

This is Kozmo.  

Kozmo is fast so sometimes his face is blurry.

But he LOVES to beg.

Smitty loves to beg too, but he is kinda lazy.

 

I think there will be dogs in Heaven because,

even though they don't have souls, humans love them.

Summer 2010

summer goals are as follows:::::

1. spend every morning with Jesus
    1a. know Jesus as a friend
    1b. know scripture better
2. make my own clothes
3. redecorate my bedroom
4. become a regular at a coffee shop that is not starbucks
5. read about bee keeping
6. juice things with my sister
7. every monday is dedicated to me having an artist date
8. take pictures
I sketched up some creative things I want to do this summer. Mondays are my only official days off this summer, so they are going to be "ME" mondays, dedicated to creativity and joy. I plan to make breakfast on mondays, and watch old movies. and bend wire into the letters H-O-M-E and make an ode to home. also, i want to make flowers. both paper and felt. some for my hair. I am going to be a lady this summer. well, I already am a lady, but I am going to develop my lady this summer. I'd like to take yoga or pilates classes too. part of this semester, I read this book called "the Artist's Way." It helps you be creative and discover your inner artist. I want to do that this summer.

repetition

how my life should be:
receive. praise. repeat. receive. praise. repeat.

how my life often is:
try to do it on my own strength. fail. try to do it on my on strength. fail.

an honest conversation.

Our dinner conversation was one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever been apart of. We expressed our feelings of despair in recognizing our brokenness. We talked of our fears of the world coming to an end and what it looks like to live with no guarantee of a future. I listened to the deep sadness in one of my friend’s lives. I heard the heart of a friend who was mad at God. I sat and listened to a friend’s fear of prayer because past prayers were answered with a “no.” The best part of it all was I never lost hope. The Holy Spirit is alive and working faithfully. I know because I was reminded by the Holy Spirit of his work. I am not a person who gives physical touch often, but my spirit led me to reach out and hug my sad, beloved friends. I felt hope because I was reminded that Christ conquered all sin and brokenness on the cross and although we live in a world of despair, we have hope. Here the barriers of secrecy and loneliness were broken, making room for the body of Christ to do what it is called to do, and that is love.