i switched my blog to this site: http://paigewilke.tumblr.com/

the disciples kept silent

There is this moment in the Bible where the disciples go to Capernaum with Jesus, and on the way they discuss who is the greatest. Knowing about their conversation, Jesus asked them “what were you discussing on the way?” In response, the disciples kept silent.

Probably because they realized how ludicrous that conversation was, and that it served no purpose in advancing the kingdom. This passage (mark 9:33-34) put the disciples on a human level for me, reminding me that I am just as accountable to the Gospel and to Christ as they are.

Can you imagine if after you sinned, Jesus, who is all knowing, asked you what you had just done? That leaves the type of dryness in my mouth that required a big, nervous gulp to relieve.

The question that was asked of me was “Why did Jesus wait to ask the disciples what they were talking about rather than interrupting them while they were arguing?”

This question is apart of a Bible study I’m doing, and I’ve been wrestling with the answer to this question for the last two days. Here is what I think might be the answer:

As humans, our quickest natural reaction to sin is to cover it up. In the garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve sin, they grab fig leaves to cover up, displaying their loss of innocence and realization of guilt. It is ridiculous to think the fig leaves could hide them from God. It is apart of our DNA to cover up sin. But that is not what God wants. He wants honesty. When we cover up, we lie. The longer we lie, the harder it is to come clean.

But the Bible study offered hope after this through Luke 12:2, “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.” God will be our help to uproot our sin. Our deep-heart lies that we have been trying to hide for years, because after repentance comes freedom. The freedom from sin that only Christ can give.

#1

sometimes i read blogs, and i get all judgmental because people are confessing their deepest darkest secrets on the world wide web, and it seems all full of drama and stuff. but they can do whatever they want, its their blog. being judgmental is bad for my soul.

if you know me at all, you know i love music. like its a huge part of my life. my life probably looks something like this: 1.God 2.Family 3. Friends/people 4. music… music might be tied with other things (like crafts and disneyland) but for now i’ll keep it as the only number 4. well, this past semester two things on that list have been extremely altered. #1 (God) has challenged me to keep #1 at the #1 spot every day. not just as the over arching theme for my life, but a daily, moment by moment pursuit of keeping my #1 at #1. with that, i have read scripture more consistantly than i ever have before, figured out that prayer works (it does), and fallen more deeply in love with #1. (Mind you, no glory to myself, all of this is a testament to God’s faithful grace).

so as i attempted to keep #1, well, #1, i neglected #4 (music). not that i didn’t listen to tons of music or buy new cds or anything like that, but i stopped looking for new music every day. i looked at pitchfork maybe 7 times all semester (which is a switch because it used to be my homepage). and i dont think i read more than 4 full articles during those 7 visits to the website. now, i say all that not because i think #4 lost its place in my list of loves/priorities, but because I feel like i am afraid of listening to new music. not like afraid of snakes type of fear, but i am afraid that i cannot stay walking close to Jesus and keep up with new music. i think its possible, but i am afraid that i will not be able to do it. instead of listening to the music i thought i loved, i found myself listening to GaGa and Beiber. now that im home, i have tried to listen to SiriusXMU (one of my sources for good, new music) and i find myself changing the channel whenever a song i dont know comes on.

i guess i write this because i wanted to get it off my chest, like confess it or sumthin. but i do sort of feel like this is a blog post i would maybe judge if i didn’t write it myself… but i’m practicing being honest. and honestly, i’m currently afraid to listen to new music. and i think i miss listening to new music, but maybe i dont. i don’t even know. im just confused.

pups.

These are my pups:

  

This is Smitty.

This is Kozmo.  

Kozmo is fast so sometimes his face is blurry.

But he LOVES to beg.

Smitty loves to beg too, but he is kinda lazy.

 

I think there will be dogs in Heaven because,

even though they don't have souls, humans love them.

Summer 2010

summer goals are as follows:::::

1. spend every morning with Jesus
    1a. know Jesus as a friend
    1b. know scripture better
2. make my own clothes
3. redecorate my bedroom
4. become a regular at a coffee shop that is not starbucks
5. read about bee keeping
6. juice things with my sister
7. every monday is dedicated to me having an artist date
8. take pictures
I sketched up some creative things I want to do this summer. Mondays are my only official days off this summer, so they are going to be "ME" mondays, dedicated to creativity and joy. I plan to make breakfast on mondays, and watch old movies. and bend wire into the letters H-O-M-E and make an ode to home. also, i want to make flowers. both paper and felt. some for my hair. I am going to be a lady this summer. well, I already am a lady, but I am going to develop my lady this summer. I'd like to take yoga or pilates classes too. part of this semester, I read this book called "the Artist's Way." It helps you be creative and discover your inner artist. I want to do that this summer.

repetition

how my life should be:
receive. praise. repeat. receive. praise. repeat.

how my life often is:
try to do it on my own strength. fail. try to do it on my on strength. fail.

an honest conversation.

Our dinner conversation was one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever been apart of. We expressed our feelings of despair in recognizing our brokenness. We talked of our fears of the world coming to an end and what it looks like to live with no guarantee of a future. I listened to the deep sadness in one of my friend’s lives. I heard the heart of a friend who was mad at God. I sat and listened to a friend’s fear of prayer because past prayers were answered with a “no.” The best part of it all was I never lost hope. The Holy Spirit is alive and working faithfully. I know because I was reminded by the Holy Spirit of his work. I am not a person who gives physical touch often, but my spirit led me to reach out and hug my sad, beloved friends. I felt hope because I was reminded that Christ conquered all sin and brokenness on the cross and although we live in a world of despair, we have hope. Here the barriers of secrecy and loneliness were broken, making room for the body of Christ to do what it is called to do, and that is love.

The Redeeming Work of Jesus Christ

I’m supposed to be writing two papers right now… but all I want to do is write about what God is doing in my life. (and watch jeopardy but that is not the point of this little ditty)

i’m humbled. unbelievably humbled. if you would have sat me down two years ago and told me where I would be and what I would be doing and the condition of my soul, i would have looked at you and said, “i know myself, you are wrong.” but two years ago fake me is wrong. and do you know why?

The Redeeming Work of Jesus Christ.

The only thing that truly satisfies me is Jesus Christ. When I get to have real conversations with people, about the condition of their soul and their deep love of Jesus Christ. That is what i thrive on. Its cool because i am just the same material thing as Paige 2008, but the things going on in my head are what i though would be Paige 2020 or maybe even never.

I say all of this because I’m thankful. Today, I talked to a few friends I have been praying for since 2004. They knew Jesus, but didn’t have lives transformed by him then. Guess what? you guessed it, their lives are being transformed by

The Redeeming Work of Jesus Christ.

God loves his people. Perfectly. As I grow and learn and connect my head to my heart, God is teaching me things. He is teaching me to never give up on people. Keep praying. It might take years and years and years, but keep praying. and not to just pray but to pray specifically. for the desires of my heart. because as I draw near to Him, he changes the desires of my heart to ones that expand the kingdom.

And do you know what, i sin. a lot. my heart should be a black-hole vortex that cannot be turned into any good. but Christ obliterated my sin at the cross, so the Holy Spirit helps me deal with my sin now. i fail a lot, but i’ve got redemption on my side.

I’ve been hearing about all these natural disasters and I’m worried that the world is ending. Not because I am worried about not going to Heaven or because I am worried about suffering or anything like that. But I want to spend a lot more time on Earth telling people of

The Redeeming Work of Jesus.

So, brothers and sisters, take heed. pray specifically. kill sin. and take up your cross. The life of a Christian is not easy. but we have the best help. and that is really good news.

“Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high” -Hebrews 1:1-3

idols.

maybe i have a blog because i'm obsessed with myself.

but i don't want that to be true.
i do not want this to reflect me thinking that my thoughts are the best.

i want Christ to be the object of all my affection. i want to obliterate all my idols with Christ being the center of everything.

Sun City, AZ

Sun City, Arizona is home to my grandparents, who are arguably two of the most wonderful people who have walked the face of this planet… Gamey and Pop-Pop. The last three days they have taken in my roommate, her mentor (my new friend) and I. No, the people in this picture are not my grandparents, but my Pops often wears a hat that resembles the one pictured above.

While I was there, I spent some time thinking about how much I do not anticipate living in a retirement community. I kept thinking about how hard it would be to deal with the reality that every person you build a friendship with either attends your funeral or you attend theirs. Pesemistic, I know, but I felt burdened by that. Then, I remembered a conversation we had at the dinner table the first night of our arrival.

As I was cutting into my steak, Pop-pop began talking about his friend who became a Christian two years ago and how this man has led 68 people to the Lord ever since, all on the golf course. As Pop described how the Lord softened this man’s heart, his voice became slightly louder and more certain. His speech declared the reverence and affection he has for the Gospel. After talking about his friend, he began to talk about Gamey, he lights up when he talks about his wife. My Gamey is constantly showing hospitality toward her community and getting to know all those who live on her street, so she can tell them the Good News of Jesus Christ. He spoke of how everything Gamey does is done with the hope of telling someone about God’s love for them. Gamey doesn’t just talk about God’s love, although she displays it pretty well. She talks boldly about the problem of evil, the conquering of sin in Jesus’ death on the cross, and the resurrection of Jesus Christ that fully displays God’s glory.

I feel like it is easy to speak of God’s love. The world makes it okay to speak of God’s love because it is a safe term and not explicitly Christian. Do not get me wrong, Gods love is good and it is real and it is beautiful. But I felt convicted about the need to clearly explain the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My grandparents inspire me to speak about more than just the stuff that is easy to digest. They inspire me to make the Gospel my everything and to go out and spread it more often.

I pray that I am like them one day: madly in love with each other but first with the Lord, always seeking the expansion of the Kingdom, a deep desire to serve others and the ability to serve the Lord wherever they are at. 

I hope you get to meet them one day. If not on Earth, let it be in Heaven.

i like these.

all these pictures via other blogs.

Bodies and Brains

I have these two friends who are always in touch with what is going on inside of themselves. Not just their emotions, but down to the core of the way their bodies work. This probably sounds weird, but whenever one of them has something wrong, they can pinpoint the exact time it started and the direct cause of their discomfort. Not only do they know what is wrong, but they know what to do to make it better.

I, on the other hand, am not this way. Emotions, I figure out, but the body is antother world for me. I get a headache, and I have no clue what to do or the source of where it is coming from. This stems from the fact that I do not have a proper knowledge of myself, with regards to what is going on inside. I have basic health class knowledge, but only enough to make semi-educated guesses. Even with this, I do not know enough to trust my personal opinion on my health.

The reason I state this information is not because I would like to point out the incapabilities I have in knowing my own body. I point this out because I feel this adequately expresses the view I have of the Bible. Here is the parallel in my mind: The Bible, like the human body, has so much importance. As for a body, I have had it my whole life. As for the Bible, I have been raised in the church, and have had one basically my whole life. I have grown up dancing and singing in “Promiseland” (Willow Creek’s children’s ministry). I have been baptized, and have lived a life outwardly dedicated to the Lord, but I do not know Scripture as I would expect sometime in my situation would. I would say that a year ago, I did not even trust what I know about scripture because I was too worried about misinterpretation and even doubted what I knew to be true.

This is where hope jumps in: God is stirring up in me this deep love for his word. I am beginning to understand scripture in ways I never have, and this is supernatural. God is showing me that my past had been so consumed with my own thoughts that I became unhealthily introverted with regards to my thought life. Honestly, I was a girl obsessed with myself and my thoughts. What I have learned is that you cannot trust yourself. But you can trust God’s word. This is the truth. As I have been learning God’s word for real, I have become obsessed with real truth. It is good to be obsessed with God’s word.

Martin Luther suggests to pray that God writes his law on our hearts, as scripture tells us to do. It’s cool because we get to rely on the Lord for this supernatural wisdom for an everlasting truth. Can I get an Amen?

Marks of a True Christian.

I sit here convicted because this is what God wants my life to look like:

 ⁹Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
 ¹⁴Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
 ¹⁷Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. ¹⁸If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. ²⁰On the contrary:
   "If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
      if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
   In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." ²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:9-21

i want my life to look like this too. i pray my life looks like this.

because love does that.

here is a beautiful poem I was given last week.

Love Does That
By Rumi

All day long a little burro labors, sometimes
with heavy loads on her back and sometmes just with worries
about things that bother only burros,

And worries, as we know, can be more exausting
than physical labor.

Once in a while a kind monk comes
to her stable and brings
a pear, but more
than that,

he looks into the burro's eyes and touches her ears

and for a few seconds the burro is free
and even seems to laugh,

because love does
that.

Love frees.

sometimes i sing...

i like this song. and i got a glockenspiel, so i made some music...

Dance, Dance, Dance by Lykke Li 
                                                                 (just follow this^ little link)

Covered By Me.

A Resolution.

To resolve is to deal with successfully {via webster dictionary}. I know, this is a stereotypical way of starting any piece of writing, but I wanted to know what it really meant to resolve in the context implied by a new years resolution.

I read a blog two days ago about how there is no significance in the fact that there is a new year. It argued that it is just like any other day and there was no need to stress out making resolutions we are just going to fail at, etc. It proceeded to quote Ben Gibbard lyrics like they were absolute truth. For a second it resonated with me, then it left a sour taste in my mouth. The reason we fail at our resolutions reminds us of the fall of man. depravity. the need for outside help.

I think it is important to have points in life that remind us to reflect: to reflect on the last year, and to see what we want to improve on in the future. For some people, this is the only time they take to reflect.

Today in church we were asked to make a commitment to being more devoted to God's word. The front of the church had a bunch of bread for us to go up and rip off a piece as a symbol of our devotion to allowing God's word abundantly fill us. Initially, I hated this idea and had no plan to go up and grab a piece of bread... In High School and Jr. High, every retreat I went on I was asked to make a commitment to do something, which I most often failed in. Thus, leaving me with a bad feeling when it comes to making an almost forced decisions... But then I got this spark of hope and had a cool train of thought. I am fixed on the Lord. Nothing will change that. I have confidence in saying that. I know I will end this year closer to the Lord than I am now because I know this is something God wants for me, and I want it enough to make the efforts toward that desire.

My Resolution for 2010 is to become a Christian Hedonist. To be sold out for delighting in the Lord.

My challenges foreseen: Singleness for the Spring {a completely single mindset- this has already been challenging} and Oman {a huge step out of the comfort zone}

Reflections of 2009:

God took me. Stretched me. Taught and is still teaching me what it means suffer and cling to Him. Challenged to be more discipline. Worked in my heart clarity in his design for my life. He continued to make me passionate for youth and music. He forced me to spend ten+ hours in silence and solitude, while fasting. He asked me to trust him and I'm doing my best at doing that. He challenged me to expect great things from him and reminded me of how much he loves giving good things to his children.

I am not who I was yesterday, and I am not who I am going to be tomorrow because God is at work in my heart. I will experience his new mercies every day.