#1

sometimes i read blogs, and i get all judgmental because people are confessing their deepest darkest secrets on the world wide web, and it seems all full of drama and stuff. but they can do whatever they want, its their blog. being judgmental is bad for my soul.

if you know me at all, you know i love music. like its a huge part of my life. my life probably looks something like this: 1.God 2.Family 3. Friends/people 4. music… music might be tied with other things (like crafts and disneyland) but for now i’ll keep it as the only number 4. well, this past semester two things on that list have been extremely altered. #1 (God) has challenged me to keep #1 at the #1 spot every day. not just as the over arching theme for my life, but a daily, moment by moment pursuit of keeping my #1 at #1. with that, i have read scripture more consistantly than i ever have before, figured out that prayer works (it does), and fallen more deeply in love with #1. (Mind you, no glory to myself, all of this is a testament to God’s faithful grace).

so as i attempted to keep #1, well, #1, i neglected #4 (music). not that i didn’t listen to tons of music or buy new cds or anything like that, but i stopped looking for new music every day. i looked at pitchfork maybe 7 times all semester (which is a switch because it used to be my homepage). and i dont think i read more than 4 full articles during those 7 visits to the website. now, i say all that not because i think #4 lost its place in my list of loves/priorities, but because I feel like i am afraid of listening to new music. not like afraid of snakes type of fear, but i am afraid that i cannot stay walking close to Jesus and keep up with new music. i think its possible, but i am afraid that i will not be able to do it. instead of listening to the music i thought i loved, i found myself listening to GaGa and Beiber. now that im home, i have tried to listen to SiriusXMU (one of my sources for good, new music) and i find myself changing the channel whenever a song i dont know comes on.

i guess i write this because i wanted to get it off my chest, like confess it or sumthin. but i do sort of feel like this is a blog post i would maybe judge if i didn’t write it myself… but i’m practicing being honest. and honestly, i’m currently afraid to listen to new music. and i think i miss listening to new music, but maybe i dont. i don’t even know. im just confused.

pups.

These are my pups:

  

This is Smitty.

This is Kozmo.  

Kozmo is fast so sometimes his face is blurry.

But he LOVES to beg.

Smitty loves to beg too, but he is kinda lazy.

 

I think there will be dogs in Heaven because,

even though they don't have souls, humans love them.

Summer 2010

summer goals are as follows:::::

1. spend every morning with Jesus
    1a. know Jesus as a friend
    1b. know scripture better
2. make my own clothes
3. redecorate my bedroom
4. become a regular at a coffee shop that is not starbucks
5. read about bee keeping
6. juice things with my sister
7. every monday is dedicated to me having an artist date
8. take pictures
I sketched up some creative things I want to do this summer. Mondays are my only official days off this summer, so they are going to be "ME" mondays, dedicated to creativity and joy. I plan to make breakfast on mondays, and watch old movies. and bend wire into the letters H-O-M-E and make an ode to home. also, i want to make flowers. both paper and felt. some for my hair. I am going to be a lady this summer. well, I already am a lady, but I am going to develop my lady this summer. I'd like to take yoga or pilates classes too. part of this semester, I read this book called "the Artist's Way." It helps you be creative and discover your inner artist. I want to do that this summer.

repetition

how my life should be:
receive. praise. repeat. receive. praise. repeat.

how my life often is:
try to do it on my own strength. fail. try to do it on my on strength. fail.

an honest conversation.

Our dinner conversation was one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever been apart of. We expressed our feelings of despair in recognizing our brokenness. We talked of our fears of the world coming to an end and what it looks like to live with no guarantee of a future. I listened to the deep sadness in one of my friend’s lives. I heard the heart of a friend who was mad at God. I sat and listened to a friend’s fear of prayer because past prayers were answered with a “no.” The best part of it all was I never lost hope. The Holy Spirit is alive and working faithfully. I know because I was reminded by the Holy Spirit of his work. I am not a person who gives physical touch often, but my spirit led me to reach out and hug my sad, beloved friends. I felt hope because I was reminded that Christ conquered all sin and brokenness on the cross and although we live in a world of despair, we have hope. Here the barriers of secrecy and loneliness were broken, making room for the body of Christ to do what it is called to do, and that is love.

The Redeeming Work of Jesus Christ

I’m supposed to be writing two papers right now… but all I want to do is write about what God is doing in my life. (and watch jeopardy but that is not the point of this little ditty)

i’m humbled. unbelievably humbled. if you would have sat me down two years ago and told me where I would be and what I would be doing and the condition of my soul, i would have looked at you and said, “i know myself, you are wrong.” but two years ago fake me is wrong. and do you know why?

The Redeeming Work of Jesus Christ.

The only thing that truly satisfies me is Jesus Christ. When I get to have real conversations with people, about the condition of their soul and their deep love of Jesus Christ. That is what i thrive on. Its cool because i am just the same material thing as Paige 2008, but the things going on in my head are what i though would be Paige 2020 or maybe even never.

I say all of this because I’m thankful. Today, I talked to a few friends I have been praying for since 2004. They knew Jesus, but didn’t have lives transformed by him then. Guess what? you guessed it, their lives are being transformed by

The Redeeming Work of Jesus Christ.

God loves his people. Perfectly. As I grow and learn and connect my head to my heart, God is teaching me things. He is teaching me to never give up on people. Keep praying. It might take years and years and years, but keep praying. and not to just pray but to pray specifically. for the desires of my heart. because as I draw near to Him, he changes the desires of my heart to ones that expand the kingdom.

And do you know what, i sin. a lot. my heart should be a black-hole vortex that cannot be turned into any good. but Christ obliterated my sin at the cross, so the Holy Spirit helps me deal with my sin now. i fail a lot, but i’ve got redemption on my side.

I’ve been hearing about all these natural disasters and I’m worried that the world is ending. Not because I am worried about not going to Heaven or because I am worried about suffering or anything like that. But I want to spend a lot more time on Earth telling people of

The Redeeming Work of Jesus.

So, brothers and sisters, take heed. pray specifically. kill sin. and take up your cross. The life of a Christian is not easy. but we have the best help. and that is really good news.

“Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high” -Hebrews 1:1-3

idols.

maybe i have a blog because i'm obsessed with myself.

but i don't want that to be true.
i do not want this to reflect me thinking that my thoughts are the best.

i want Christ to be the object of all my affection. i want to obliterate all my idols with Christ being the center of everything.